Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize