i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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