I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
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I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
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No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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