why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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