FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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