I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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