Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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