I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize