that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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