There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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