Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
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I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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