I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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