Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize