im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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