The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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