Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
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Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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