we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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