Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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