if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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