We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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