It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize