i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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