My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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