I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
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She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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