I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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