I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
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Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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