Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize