No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize