john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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