the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize