im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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