Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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