I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize