i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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