I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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