Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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