he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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