Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize