You just made me feel so damn special
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
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do herpes really smell.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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