Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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