I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
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I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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