Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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