how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drake has all the answers
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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