The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
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You left your underwear on the fireplace
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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