I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
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She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I lost the right to judge tonight
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