i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize