just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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