Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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