she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize