We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
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You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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