DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
