i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize